In addition to being an incredibly witty blogger, I am also a small business owner. I have all of 4 employees. If I had more, I might have to shoot myself. I need not look further than my own small enterprise to see what is, in part, wrong with America.
We have become a nation of pathetic employees. For the most part. I have to qualify the first statement because I have had and do have a couple ‘keepers.’ I pay them very well for their position, better than my competitors in business. I have had this business venture for about 5 and 1/2 years. I have had over 45 employees in this time frame. Most of them were pathetic.
The sad part about their brand of incompetence is that it is totally within their control to change. At least half of my former employees could not show up on time. Ever. Not late every now and then. More like on time every now and then. I fire people for being late. I realize this is not popular. I don’t care. I don’t want apologies. I want you to be here on time. I don’t care about your personal life. I want you to be here on time. I don’t want you to get me breakfast on the way to work. I want you to get here on time. By ‘on time’ I mean before we start work. I once had an employee, who knew he had to be at work at 6:00am call me at 5:57 to say he was on the way. I reminded him that we started at 6:00am. He replied, ‘That’s OK because my GPS says I will be there in 8 minutes.’ I think he honestly thought it was close enough. I eventually fired him. That was his second day at work.
Another favorite of the hapless employee is ‘I’m trying my best.’ I don’t care. If your best does not meet my standards, then you cannot work for me. Period. It is not my fault and this is not a participation sport. This is real life. Trying don’t get it done. Getting it done gets it done. This has earned me several comments that I am the worst boss they ever had. I don’t care. I care about doing the job right.
If they last past starting time, I often find that employees feel like they can rewrite the rules at whatever job they have. Hmmm. I know I gave specific instructions. Some people who go to work seem to think a boss’s instructions are merely suggestions and if they do something similar, but not what was actually asked of them, it’s close enough. Yeah, not here. I get blank stares and more comments of me being the worst boss they ever had when I rightfully complain that they did something I did not instruct them to do.
I am a woman. I was born a woman. I don’t like to hire women generally. They can be the worst employees. Or they can be your best employees. Most often, they are the worst. I can say this, because I am a woman and know how women are. Women, when criticized, often start crying. Some do this out of frustration and have no control over it. Others do it for sympathy. I am not a sympathetic person. Remember, I don’t care. In fact, if you are a woman and cry when I call you out for anything, expect me to get worse, not sympathetic. If you are a woman and want equal pay, then quit acting like a pussy when you are in the wrong. Suck it up and get over it. Women also frequently have children. They use these children to get off work early, come in to work late, not work holidays, ask for extra money, take extra long breaks, you name it, they use their kids to get it. If it was legal to never hire another woman with a child, I would do it. Unfortunately, I can get sued for avoiding some of the least productive employees out there–women with children.
Smokers should not apply for jobs. They are usually only 10 minutes from needing a smoke break all day long. They sneak out to smoke every chance they get, leaving their nonsmoking colleagues to do most of the work. I call them on it and harass them constantly about their stupid habit that costs them ungodly sums of money and costs me valuable time. Most of them are women with children. Go figure.
The problem with most employees these days is that they think the employer owes them something. We owe you only one thing–pay for work. We do not owe you a better life. We are not responsible for your life outside of work. We do not have to do anything but pay you for work. Your life is yours, not your employer’s. Unless employed by family–always a bad move–your employer doesn’t really care about your problems. They have problems of their own. They have their own families to take care of . They have their own bills to pay. They don’t expect you to fix their problems.
So, if you want to be a good employee and succeed. I have a few suggestions that will guarantee you success at any job. First, get there on time. If you smoke, stop. Don’t bring your personal concerns and issues to work. Follow instructions. It’s that simple. Do those things and you will be successful anywhere.